The baby has stopped being fussy with food and will involve himself in whatever I put in front of him. Sometimes he will only mash it with his hands or touch the very tips of his fingertips to the food, and then to his mouth. That counts as ‘exposure’ to the food, and I celebrate it. Other times he puts it straight into his mouth as if he is familiar with it, although I know that he is not. It is inexplicable. It is fun. It’s better than the long weeks of potato waffles and crying to be released from the chair, to be allowed infinite breast milk.
I stumbled across this and my heart burned in my chest. I remember those feelings too well. My husband was in the house but in a different room, fast asleep, and I felt so alone and also had very, very dark thoughts. My baby is nearly 5 (years!) and I still remember it all but without so much of the pain and guilt. It took a long time and therapy. I'm back to being sleep deprived but nothing like what you're going through. I hope the days of sleeping provide some reprieve for a while. I just wanted you to know that what you're feeling isn't uncommon. Motherhood is so incredibly hard and it can feel shameful to feel that, because so many women do it and have done it. I do think it depends so much on your support system and perhaps your expectation and pressure we put on ourselves. I hope it gets better soon. If you can prioritise sleep (ha!), that, I think, is the only thing that might help. Sending love.
Hello,
I stumbled across this and my heart burned in my chest. I remember those feelings too well. My husband was in the house but in a different room, fast asleep, and I felt so alone and also had very, very dark thoughts. My baby is nearly 5 (years!) and I still remember it all but without so much of the pain and guilt. It took a long time and therapy. I'm back to being sleep deprived but nothing like what you're going through. I hope the days of sleeping provide some reprieve for a while. I just wanted you to know that what you're feeling isn't uncommon. Motherhood is so incredibly hard and it can feel shameful to feel that, because so many women do it and have done it. I do think it depends so much on your support system and perhaps your expectation and pressure we put on ourselves. I hope it gets better soon. If you can prioritise sleep (ha!), that, I think, is the only thing that might help. Sending love.